What would you do if you fell in love with two people at the same time?
Even better, what would you do if you constantly questioned which two they actually were?
For crying out loud, Lukas has been writing songs that feel like they were written just for my soul, and I do remember Mr. Cooper having that moment when he said he wanted to marry me, although I suspect strongly that was him acting in someone else's interests (or it was a joke after I did something nice for him), and I kind of think the "Shallow" song is funny for two reasons. Is it because he is shallow? Is it because someone is describing anal sex? Gaga's ah-ah-ahahahahhhs make me think distinctly so. But he did make a movie that I LOVED even if parts of it felt rushed. He made choices as a director that were very personal to me. But I also totally buy that he may have been helping out two people trying to get/stay sober.
But I also remember being told that Bradley was brought over to our side. "Our" side. I remember that same person telling me I was not in love with Leo, too, so...
But that totally JUST could have been about custody of the kids, too, so you know....too much ambiguity and not enough clarity.
I think about General Glenn McMahon, his puffed out chest and being brought in to win an unwinnable war. It reminds me of the General Woody tab. Woodpeckers are in their own way relief sculptors. Nature's whittlers. That tab is double-action, too, whatever that might mean in this scenario. The movie came out in 2017. 17 is a special number for me, but that part may just be a happy accident. Wood. Cock. You know where I'm going with this...
And I remember BP saying we needed to find me a new mother.
All I know is some of this may be about my being poor and having no assets and it making me feel unworthy. So, if I actually have any assets anywhere, I need a clue as to who is controlling them and how much they are whilst I'm deciding.
I may also need a reminder of the exact nature of what I'm debating here...
Rockin' 7s have musical notes on them. Which one wears Seven for all Mankind jeans?
So...I'm 99% sure I've made my choice. If we could address the above questions, I think I'm ready to decide.
Bad Case may or may not actually be about wanting something you can't have. There is a section about being too young, too old, too shy, too bold, too poor, too rich, hung around too much, too much away...JUST LIKE Fight Club tells people they are too fat or too old (or too blonde) to see if they'll keep coming back.
And where does love go when it dies sounds exactly like a question I would ask. Does it die, transfer or transform?
Where are all those pretty memories you can show me?
This feels very much like a case of Pitt v. Nelson because let me tell you something...if I weren't holding on to something else, something that came FIRST, I would absolutely be with him.
This bird needs to fly ASAP. Stat. If I get yelled at for using my light in my bedroom after dark ONE MORE FUCKING TIME - I will be forced to emasculate and humiliate Chris which I don't really want to do because I feel sorry for him.
We do realize that my brother is a concern, right? I don't want to leave him alone here. He belongs in college, yo! He's so fucking smart, cool and loving.
Austin is expensive. LA is expensive.
I remember thinking to myself "Battle of the Brads" as a memory device trick, but I'm not sure what it meant. Maybe THAT was about me trying to decide between sobriety vs indulgence, or projects.
Million Reasons to let you go. Hundred million reasons to walk away. One good reason to stay...
A million dollars to stay away from Brian (which I eventually got right although I had to do something kinda dirty and a bit against my own interest to make it happen...he was already long gone by the time that happened, but I had to make sure he would stay away).
Y'all do know I'm not sleeping with Ben, either, right?
I haven't slept with anyone but myself in ages.
Last thought: "Woody" Allen fell in love with his step-daughter (and vice-versa), and he and Soon-Yi Previn got married. Not sure if Mia Farrow ever got over it, probably not. And Brad wouldn't adopt me, but I also kinda remember not specifically caring why at the time. He had to ask me later "did you never wonder why I didn't want to adopt you?" So there's that.
Let's move this forward in whatever way works. I'm dying on the vine, and you can't make good wine with dead (or sour) grapes.
2:53 a.m. - 2022-09-29
Recent entries:
Transcendence - 2022-09-29
Lord I Say a Little Prayer to You - 2022-09-29
Are You Fucking Kidding Me? - 2022-09-29
His Gift - 2022-09-29
Moving On Out of Sheer Fucking Necessity - 2022-09-29
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