It's not real. It couldn't be real. There is no friggin way.
C'mon....I'm sure you were just being kind to a lonely girl who's been through a lot. Everyone was trying to be nice and kind to amnesia girl.
No one was supposed to get hurt. I still don't want anybody to hurt. Life is hard enough as it is. And I'm a perma-mess.
I don't want to be manipulated, but I need a clear sign. And someone I trust to help me decipher it, possibly?
All I ever wanted was to know that I would be okay, no matter what - 100% of the time.
Problem is, time moves through my mind and warps it. I see the future, the past, and all the possible futures that never were, too. I wanted everyone who was good to me to have everything they ever dreamed of. Problem is, I don't remember where things left off.
Always problems....never solutions with me. "tis largely why I keep to myself and try not to bother anyone.
But maybe I do need a little bit of saving this time around.
Maybe I do need a superhero - one who, after their finished saving children, old ladies and kitty cats can also save 45 year old women reeling from I don't believe in miracles and can barely remember what is real. Not every day, but every once in a while. Maybe with a little coaxing, I could begin to produce my own positive neuro-chemicals again.
Maybe.
Always maybe, nothing static for me. "We'll see...."
The problem is, I can't actually see anything verifiable. So if its real, why hide the fact?
It was/is too beautiful to be a swan song.
A girl can dream, can't she?
Tell me you didn't hurt anyone, least of all me.
Sometimes, Dorothy feels lost in Oz and needs help finding her way home. Send me some friends to help me find my way. I'll follow your yellow-brick road. I'm learning to trust. I don't need much to make me happy, not really. I really do want to organize and simplify my life so I can spend it doing things I really love - like writing music, poems, articles, essays, or something just as simple as this - a simple diary entry that actually has something to say. Only I feel so lost that I don't know what is true anymore. Corona hit and it changed everything,... Please...a sign...any sign. I'm trying to restore my faith in hope, love and most of all - grace.
4:21 a.m. - 2021-07-28
Recent entries:
Help 911 - 2021-08-10
Honoring Art and Finding Oneself Through It - 2021-08-05
Well allow me to retort.... - 2021-08-04
Don't You Forget About Me - 2021-07-31
My Advice if it Matters at All - 2021-07-31
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