I have been staring endlessly into space thinking about how life comes full circle, cycles repeat, and I have let my family - the one I was born with and the one I made - down.
If I owe you an amends, apology or even a pay-it-forward, I am ready to listen. You are welcome to post all the short-sighted, lack of focus, head in my own world overall lack of presence. I owe everyone a heart-felt apology, especially Team Rachel.
My bingo family, especially two ladies in particular, is what keeps me real and reminds me how much farther I have come with them in my life.
They have listened to me as I have droned on incessantly, but I've had my head in the clouds too long because it is my escape from some of my deepest fears. But wallowing in sorrow, fear, anxiety, depression and the things we use to modulate those complex feelings makes it difficult to accept, and experience joy, happiness and the right kind of love. Big love. Big big, love.
A relationship based on fear and your worst habits is just stupid, immature love. There are no easy solutions to cleaning up the messes we've made, but there is always time for gratitude for those who have helped us along the way.
I have always had ambitions, my head in the clouds, and getting older makes it harder to find a calling and your place in life. I was never Captain or President material, but I make an excellent Lieutenant, or someone special's First Lady and Queen of Hearts, much like my sisters from another mother.
I'm sorry I've forgotten those who gave me such a loving and FUN place to work to put food in my belly, a drag in my cigarette -- rides to and from work - and on a good day, maybe even an iced tea or glass of wine. I haven't quite figured that out yet.
Everyone needs a dream. Everyone needs hope. Everyone is worthy of love, even Stupid Love. I am putting all my focus and energy into the dream.
Because Lord, this one here just ain't too bright sometimes. I'm a little slow on the uptake and it takes me several tries to accept something this profound. Call it a Vision board. Call it a Prophecy. Call it a life's best journeys celebration where amazing women get together and celebrate each other for exactly who we are, who we have become, and who we've yet to be, and where women suffering from cancer can receive tailored holistic, therapeutic, preventive mastectomies (and eventually other female cancer-related surgeries and when applicable charity-funded reconstructions. Healing spa-like services with saunas/massage/reflexology.
We do this in memory of every life lost from cancer and for women who have THE BEST POSSIBLE CHANCE of beating it altogether.
Women helping women become their best selves is my Fight Club/Dance Club/Life Club/Love Club. It even sounds like a Lady Gaga song.
But when our best ideas are on the line, we won't hesitate to bring out our secret Tyler Durden approved weapons. It just might land in your ear.
More to follow
Life is a cycle of birth, growth, decline and death with suffering the world over being a common denominator. We can't fix everything, so we must focus on what we can. This we can do and it is our gift to the world. Snowflakes can suck it.
Between us, ladies, women are the true creative force and energy in this world, and it's really hard work providing the masses valuable, worthwhile entertainment. I say this prayer aloud, aloud, to myself but just a whisper - let the little girl die so the woman can be re-born. From the ashes I rise again to carry the message to the masses. To all the ladies out there (including former, will-be and ladies in waiting) craving a positive avocation: I don't write the first rule of fight club - you do. But here are the principles its creator deigns be observed. Waste not one more moment tearing each other down or apart - ever. We are all on the same side, even when we disagree. The only "tearing each other down" we'll tolerate will come in the form of lessons in which you are a fully-willing participant. Do something useful with your time. Serve your fellow man. Think of others before yourself but do not ignore yourself so long others have to take care of you. We make one another strong with our stories of experience, strength and hope. Fight club membership is free to all, but to serve the welfare of other women, we must generate revenue to help those most desperate. We choose and coordinate our own fundraisers to meet our financial goals of education, self-reliance and self-actualization. For example, someone growing biodynamic pink wine could donate large quantities for auction or even donate a fraction of a percentage of profits from all sales worldwide to raise money and awareness of the specific issues related to cancer, neuro-cognitive disorders or mental health and substance abuse issues. When you want to do some real good in the world it is hard to know where to start. Losing some of your faculties will do that to you. I've always been jealous of men aging like fine wine.
Well, ladies, let's just make wine and fabulous face creams, music, movies and songs and run a holistic healing destination for women. A place a woman can take a mini-break to relax for a while - some majestic place with healing properties - where women can get a much-needed break to re-charge her batteries, realign her perspective, heal a broken heart or commune with nature so that ultimately, she walks away feeling more connected to her very best self. No one ever promised us happiness. Magazines and commercials have been trying for ages to make us think it can be achieved, but it can't. Maybe it's over-rated anyway. But if you try really hard, you can learn to learn to value a much more achievable goal - joy. And if you learn to edit your thoughts like you edit your clothes, you might just stumble your way into happiness - by accident, when you weren't even looking or trying. This kitty-cat is looking for somewhere soft to land. I remember you. I know you. I love you and damn near everyone I met along the way. C'mon ladies - let's build it. They will come.
Ladies Light it Up Club - 2020-04-25
Recent entries:
Honoring Art and Finding Oneself Through It - 2021-08-05
Well allow me to retort.... - 2021-08-04
Don't You Forget About Me - 2021-07-31
My Advice if it Matters at All - 2021-07-31
Urgent: Slowly Disintegrating and Virtually Disappearing Sense of Reality - 2021-07-28
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