2002-05-05 - 9:18 p.m.

Dear readers,

I am ashamed I have left you high and dry for so long. Mostly, it is because there has been nothing new to report, and because I have been so disappointed in my writing lately that I though it unworthy of sharing. Now, I've decided I just don't give a rat's ass.

Note: the above sequence of words can be rapped to any tune from Dre's "Chronic 2000", well, except maybe "What's the Difference." Or "Forgot About Dre." Or "The Watcher."

Job update first: I have been gainfully employed for a few weeks now. I am working at an insurance broker's office and will be securing my license to sell soon. That means I will actually make commission (rather than quarterly bonuses in which Uncle Sam rapes me all the while telling me it is good for society to build more roads and better schools). Decent wages plus incentive compensation = I will not be bitching about my boring work for a while. The boss is taking us to Mexico in early June for a fun, bonding vacation, but that is about the extent I will travel with this job. No more hotel & airplane stories, I'm afraid. I'll just have to make up for it with gratuitous sodomy talk.

Remember the interesting and wise-cracking actor friend that used to work in my building before I was laid-off? Well, he emailed me a week ago and invited me to see the play in which he was starring. He played the part of Randall P. McMurphy from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." He did a fine job and received much kudos from a pompous, albeit gay, reviewer. More importantly, we went for drinks afterward, and as the evening wrapped up, I got a goodbye hug and a crack about my lovely white-trash carton of cigarettes in the backseat of my car.

Once again, I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.

To give you a sense of the character this guy is, I have taken the liberty, without permission, of transcribing a couple of voicemails he left me when I was still with shittypay.com.

The latter needs no introduction, the first one is a crack at two things - something slightly slutty I wore one day whilst also jabbing at the fact that my evil boss took a large account away from me and gave it to her newly-hired friend.

And....action!

[Arabic accent]

"Uh, yes Angela, this is VJ Chopra calling. I am the new CEO for Delta Dental and I am not wanting you to be representing our company because I am not thinking that you are dressing like a lady. So anyway, that is that, my hands are washed and my feet of this issue."

[Older redneck]

"Yes, Angela, this is Rufus McNolte. I saw a personal ad you had in the paper asking if I liked Pina Coladas, and you know, dancing in the rain and stuff like that, and I do. I like walking along sand dunes with a Pina Colada. Uh, I�m into Jazz Music, golf, and strangling small animals. {Giggle} I know you laugh because golf is not that popular around here."

Interesting and wise-cracking actor guy officially and rightfully earns the pseudonym Wiley Coyote.

That's a wrap.

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