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2019-09-10 - 11:59 p.m.

Dear Brad:

So, I think my mind has caught up to where we left off, although there have been some backwards/forwards moments where my mind jumps around in time.

I have regressed some and progressed some.

I'm stuck here a while longer, with no one to wake me from this nightmare but me.

Am I prevented from leaving my state? Am I in trouble? I'm planning to call Dr. Martin tomorrow. No one can do this alone. I can't keep track of the narrative with the way my mind is jumping around. It is too acutely painful.

I cannot even begin to imagine what it has been like for you and your family.

I am so proud of your year and a half. In this moment, I think not using our substance(s) of choice allows us to be a better version of ourselves.

I have no idea whether you read this or not, or whether you even know about it, but being where I am in life makes forward progress so incredibly difficult. It is like a prison of the mind. And I have hit so very many road blocks along the way. I know my heart should be swollen with gratitude, but the memory fades and the gratitude along with it.

I know I need to get to meetings. But I forget that too when I'm off my meds and not journaling.

I'll do better. I hope you can forgive me.

 

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