Write. Write anything. Write everything. Everything I can remember. There's so much, I don't know where to begin.
Have you seen the movie "Vanilla Sky?" When I came out of my dream, I was alive and healthy but ultimately wiped clear of the previous two years. I have two whole years that are completely gone. The first two years after were an absolute hell. Absolute hell. And I was penniless.
Adderall Diaries? I got you beat. Try waking up and not knowing your mother was dead when she passed away two years prior? And I was her Executor. And I was her medical and durable power of attorney. And she was my best friend. I inherited her home and belongings.
There were no drugs in my system. I had been living alone. I was completely and utterly alone.
If I had money to throw at the problem, well, at least there would be money I could throw at the problem. I still have difficultly with converting my short-term memories into long-term memories.
And on a good day, I feel a lot like Ally McBeal. There is always a running film going in my mind, and it involves singing, dancing, talking and writing. Imagine Ally in a cutaway scene from "Pulp Fiction." Yeah. That's what it sort of feels like. Events happen out of order and sometimes I make up things in my head for the purpose of writing them down later, and then it'll start to feel real. But they are mere false memories. A trifling matter - confabulation. And they snowball and get bigger and bigger as time goes on.
I miss my "cousin" Matthew. You know who you are...you definitely came to visit me. I was so excited, but I recall your saying you weren't coming back. All I can think to say is....TAKE ME WITH YOU! I'll be good to you and Camila....
2:40 a.m. - 2021-08-30
Recent entries:
See the life I've had would make a good man bad - 2021-10-04
Sobering News - 2021-09-17
CRS: Can't Remember Shit Syndrome - 2021-09-05
Out of Order - 2021-09-01
Childhood - 2021-09-01
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