I have an overwhelming desire to get my life and home organized.
I want so badly to go to film school. Once I realized that a director is a storyteller with a visual medium, it emboldened me a bit as I always think my own writing trite and uninspired. I would love to be able to read an amazing script and then make it come to life. Movies can have as much or as little influence as we allow them. I want to make movies that mean something, keep us thinking long after the movie about the movie, how we relate to it and how having seen it may have helped us work through something personal, giving us a much needed emotional catharsis.
It's most often money that stops me from doing the things I'm really passionate about.
I seriously need a best-friend, confidante and advisor to lean on given my fractured memory. Perhaps I need a team. If I had any real money, I could attract the kind of person that could play this role in my life and also become a love interest and possible husband.
I keep coming back to it - needing this person. I don't feel half of a whole without it, but I do believe life has more value - to me - if I do. I want a partner in life. There is part of me that wants to do an about-face and do whatever is necessary to have a healthy child given my age. But just because someone is not my biological child doesn't mean I cannot love a child. What holds me back is the biological mother and being a more positive influence.
What paralyzes me in fear is not being free enough in life to disentangle myself from all of my ongoing personal defects. They are weighing me down to the point where I feel like I'm drowning.
I need radical change here. No more messing about. Now that Jack is gone, except for James, I cannot think of anything tying me down here any longer. Are the other issues resolved and/or mostly resolved? I sure as hell don't even know what they all were. I can tell you this - the only living biological family I have besides James is Me-Maw and Dad. The older we get the fewer and fewer people there are that know us - truly know us - and love us anyway, warts and all.
Was the relationship I only remember fragments of without reminders, was it genuine? Sometimes I read things in the news and then dream weird shit, and two days later it feels real? I seem to remember Mr. C asking what it would take for my mind to accept that it was real. I didn't know how to answer that question except to say consistency and time.
Or was it all just an exercise to help me get my groove back?
I so desperately need a vault where I can store my most precious memories - oh shit! A place where only I am permitted to add/remove memories from the vault.
There's an idea for the Inception Sequel - make it about them going into someone's dreams to rewrite her past so she doesn't get herself killed by relaying the truth to the wrong person. They plant fake "memories" in the dreamstate and in real life use a "forger" to plant clues outside of the dream creating the crossover effect - where the dream crosses over to become reality. Some jobs may need to be repeated until the "planted" memories take.
The immediate threat is neutralized, but she begins to lose her grip on reality outside the dream because she doesn't believe the threat has been wholly removed - traces of it remain, like a ghost, as a threat to her. But to remove the threat completely, she has to go back to being poor as the money was how the criminals would find her. She considers giving it all to charity and has the time of her life thinking about how wonderful it would feel to be a traveling philanthropist flying undercover. But she worries good people would be put in harm's way. She ultimately sets up a trust and decides she will just live off the interest - whatever it comes to. Her modest lifestyle is how she intends to live under the radar of anyone actually chasing the money - be it criminal, bounty hunter or law enforcement. It's much like The California Gold Rush.
She decides she cannot beat the all the people after her all alone, so she builds her own team after learning that Dom Cobb has retired to be with his children.
She works to recruit her dream team
Rub: she plans to tell only one person on team about her secret desire to keep the money and she has a plan as to how, but it means a second operation altogether - a two-phase job that will uncover where it is being hidden, the security and how to breach it. It is a fact-finding reconnaissance mission. She ultimately decides Ariadne is the best team member to approach with heist idea as she seems the most open-minded of the team.
There will be a hitch and Dom will have to be called in last minute as a pinch hitter for Ariadne who tells Arthur she can't do it because she thinks all this poking around in the mind of an already damaged woman will drive her mad for good or to suicide. Arthur, in love with Ariadne, sides with Ariadne whilst Eames and Mr Money
Having not trained on the mission and been told very little, Leonardo decides the only way to get what is needed is to play her love interest to and lead on offensive strategy of distraction and deception from the projections which are represented in her dream as Hollywood Heroes - much like she is on one of those Matchmaking shows. These projections are not trained to kill - they are trained to get her to change her mind about who she wants to marry.
It all seems like fun and games until it is uncovered that there are other teams like theirs working to make sure the girl DOESN'T pick certain people.
Of course, I am just spit-balling here. It could easily be a trilogy. The whole point of the second film is to illustrate how this technology can possibly be used to create powerful marriage alliances with the third working through how the technology becomes widely available to the masses and create an overwhelming addiction - most people would rather dream and life and build in their dream world than in real life.
We thus become a huge threat to our own extinction because people only want children in the dream - not in real life owing to poor environmental conditions.
3:08 a.m. - 2019-09-28
Recent entries:
Urgent: Slowly Disintegrating and Virtually Disappearing Sense of Reality - 2021-07-28
Ladies Light it Up - 2020-04-25
Bored to Death - 2020-04-03
A Cold and Broken Hallelujah - 2020-03-31
A Cold and Broken Hallelujah - 2020-03-31
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